Icha Icha Lostu!
by Lotus Aia
Summary: Kakashi loses his most prized possession, but there was something else tucked into the book he is more worried about. Set in the KakaIru world. !KakashiXIrukaness!
1. Icha Icha Lostu!

Of course I own Naruto! I'm writing fanfiction on the internet now instead of drawing manga. -.- Seriously folks, we shouldn't have to write disclaimers.

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ICHA ICHA LOSTU!

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Chapter 1: Icha Icha Lostu! 

Kakashi growled, upturning the pillows on the bed, then ripping the covers back to view the mattress. Slightly stained here and there, but other than that, not what he was searching for.

In the kitchen, after being diligently searched, Kakashi had only managed to find Iruka's hiding places. This was not his original intent for the search, but the hidey holes would not be overlooked next Christmas.

The couch was his next best bet, so with a quick upheaval of all pillows and cushions, Kakashi scanned the underneath. Nothing._ Ah, look underneath the underneath!_ He crouched down, then leaned forward onto his hands and knees to look beneath the couch this time. Alas, poor Icha Icha Paridisu was not there.

"CRAP!"

-...-

Iruka looked around the tidy classroom with a firm jaw and a slow sigh. He'd spent all morning locked in his personal classroom, industriously cleaning every corner of the room. There wasn't a spot he had missed, and he was sure of that.

A short consideration concluded though, that his students definitely would not appreciate the gagging lemony fresh smell that had intoxicated the entire room. After a short fight with the hinges, the sunny teacher threw the window open to breath in some fresh air from outside. He leaned out the window completely, the soft and cool morning breeze coming from the north was chilly yet predicted bright and happy weather later on. He would have to bring the kids outside for strength training today, for it was just too good a day to pass up!

"Iruugaaaa-senseeeeeeeiii!" A little girl wailed from across the campus' grassy nulls. She was running full speed, but considering her size the event took longer than the usual full speed.

"Meera-chan! Are you alright?" Iruka asked, hesitating on the example he would be showing if he climbed out the window, but did so anyway.

"Sanyu-kun and Yon-kun are chasing me!" she dashed around behind Iruka.

He looked forward over the grassy nulls, seeing no one. "I think you lost them, Meera-chan." he cocked an eyebrow, wondering if she was playing a pretend game and that is why he did not see anyone.

"Mm?" she stepped out from around him curiously. "They were chasing me..." she insisted, looking around for any hiding places they could be utilizing.

Iruka curled his lips in, hands on his hips. "I don't see... oh." he stared at the approaching figure, the shock of white hair stiffly pointing in the way the wind was blowing, which happened to be the way it always leaned. Raised above the ground in each hand were two little boys, each protesting their entrapment by swinging bony little legs in the direction of their assailant.

"Yo." Kakashi grunted. "I found them throwing rocks at some little kid. Hm. That little kid." he motioned to Meera, now behind Iruka again.

Iruka took his students from Kakashi with a weary eye. "Come on you two, stop bothering your sister and go get your packs, class starts in three minutes. Run and I won't mark you tardy." he threatened. They turned and dashed away without another word, eyes still huge as they avoided Kakashi at all cost.

"You, too Meera. If your late to your class, come and tell me, alright? I will tell your teacher that you were being chased." he patted her head lightly before she backed away slowly, eyes plastered to Kakashi's threatening face. "Run, Meera!" Iruka booted her slightly, getting the little girl to snap to attention and run back over the little hills.

Kakashi watched them go, waiting, then he looked back to Iruka with a more serious gaze. "Where is it? Did you hide it?" he hissed, stepping close to Iruka's chest with squinted eyes.

"Ah!" The chuunin was taken aback by such a forward. "What are you _talking_ about, Kakashi!" he put his hands on the interrogator's chest in a small attempt to hold him back.

"Where is _Icha Icha Paridise volume 11?_" he quested vehemently. "I can't. Find it. I looked everywhere." he insisted, eyes going frightened at this. "Please tell me you took it and I didn't lose it." he latched onto Iruka's vest threatening, pressing in further. There was hope if Iruka had taken it and hid it, but if it was lost somewhere out in Konoha, or even outside of Konoha, there would be no way to find it.

Iruka pushed the jounin back forcefully. "Get ahold of yourself! You're freaking out!" Iruka hissed the words as if they were taboo. "Calm down, can't you just buy another one?" he looked behind him as students began milling into the classroom early to set their books down and finish their homework within the two minutes they had left.

"No! This one was _special!_" Kakashi insisted, head finally lolling forward to thump onto Iruka's shoulder. "I've never lost an Icha Icha."

Iruka restrained the urge to stand the man up and smack him violently across the head. "Get. A. Hold. Of. Your. Self." he demanded, standing the forlorn puppy up to look into the sad eye. "Give me a break! It's probably around the house somewhere or on the training grounds where you left it."

The bell cut off his next sentence, Kakashi and Iruka both wincing as they were standing directly under the alarm. "I have to go teach now. Why don't you retrace your steps from yesterday, alright? You had it at lunch when we had Ramen, so go from there. Just... never mind." he rolled his eyes and climbed back in through the window.

Kakashi watched him go, heart wrenching before he turned away and disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

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Saa… it gets better, don't worry. Chappy 2 up in a few days. (shakes fist at AP essay) 

-Aia


	2. Entre le Bystander Innocent

Hallo! Here is Chapter two, up quickly because I got so many happy reviews! Finish the chapter all the way through, the ending is my favorite! And I know that 'innocent bystander' is not spelled the same in French as it is in English, but I only took two years and was to lazy to go find my dictionary. -.-

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Chapter Two: Entre le Bystander Innocent!

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A dark eyed glare rewarded the chirpy little girl across the rows, surrounded by beginning ninja and twirling one strand of blonde hair around a middle finger. The glaring young shinobi rolled her eyes and shrugged her backpack off once the bell had rung. After settling a critical eye over the contents of her bag, checking for her daily necessities, she sat down and leaned back in her chair quietly. No friends in her class. It was her luck to be isolated from the rest of her friends every year when it came to selecting students for each class. She stared at the teacher, having nothing else to stare at that wouldn't infuriate her for the time being.

Iruka was currently battling with the attendance sheet, trying to reprimand one student for throwing shuriken in the classroom for the fourth time that month, and balancing the scale of students that were absent verses present. It was amusing to watch the morning ritual, and for some reason it never got boring. He always had a new challenge. Whether the challenge be in the form of some bratty eleven year old, or possibly that tall white haired shinobi with the mask. The two squabbled like a married couple sometimes.

The dark hair and sunken eyed girl considered this for a moment, eyes fixated on Iruka while considering the plausible idea that Iruka-sensei was in fact gay. She giggled to herself, smiling as a confirmation. _Definitely gay._ She decided, finally looking around to focus her eyes on something else.

"Ronna-chan? Are you- ah, there you are. You're skills have improved so much that you blend in with your surroundings wonderfully!" Iruka grinned to the dark eyed girl.

She snorted, pleasing him with a half hearted smile. "Yeah, right..." she muttered, watching him finally swat away a tattling senpai of hers.

He gave her an encouraging smile before calling out the next name, finally deciding that the student was absent when he only received a dull roar from the rest of the class. With a sigh he looked around at the boisterous classroom, smiling proudly at the balls of energy that bounced around the room. _The smell of untamed chakra in the morning._ He breathed deeply, sticking his fingers in his mouth and blowing a shrill ear shattering whistle to silence all the students in unison. They scrambled for their seats, sitting attentively for the most part.

"Good morning everyone."

"Good morning Iruka-sensei." they echoed back, obedient as they were.

Iruka thrived from hearing that. He beamed all the brighter to them. "Today, I have decided to give you all a treat. We are going to do strength training!"

The class groaned simultaneously, glaring with lack of amusement at the cheap trick. He grinned brighter. "But we're going to go outside this time!"

Arm pumps circled the room, beady eyes meeting with friends as silent plans were made and agreed upon to ditch the class on campus somehow. Iruka saw every little glance between friends, and all the whispers that established meeting places once they had escaped the gaze of their teacher. He chuckled, hands on his hips as he let them scheme and plan for a moment. So far only one student had ever left his vicinity of knowledge, and that was because she had no sense of direction and took the wrong trail while running laps in the campus' forest. He had found her of course, sitting at the base of a tree with tears in her eyes, but he never forgot that he also had to watch out for the little ones who weren't trying to escape.

"But first, I have papers to pass back. On a whole you all did very well on this quiz, some low grades, but not bad." he winked, taking the stack of neatly tapped papers from his desk and beginning to pass them out accordingly. The first one on the pile made him smile. He walked up the length of desks towards the back, letting the kids chatter happily as he passed out the papers. He set the quiz down on the girl's desk, hand over the grade before she could glance at it. "Ronna-chan, I am very happy to see how much you have improved. I am very proud of you!" he raised his hand to display a bright red B+.

"Oh... wow... um... thank you." her cheeks tinted pink, looking into Iruka's pleased face.

Iruka smiled at the girlish blush. "And we'll have you throwing straight shuriken in no time!" he promised.

She blushed deeper. "Ah... uh... how's your leg doing?"

"Healed!" he patted her on the head with a bright smile, going to the next student to reprimand the D-.

Ronna looked at her paper, pleased and surprised at the same time. Apparently it did pay of to study.

o0O0o

"Alright... we're going to start off simple and work the abs a bit. Everyone on their backs!" Iruka couldn't help the evil smile when they groaned in unison while dropping down to lay on the soft spring grass. They prepared, hands behind head and elbows in the air. "Crunches!" Iruka declared, counting off and watching the obedient little ninja's-to-be raise the upper half of their bodies from the ground with the count.

After reconciling that most of them could no longer work their abs, Iruka had them turned over for push ups, followed by paired sit-ups. Satisfied that their stomachs hurt immensely, he sent them to the jogging trail, counting them all as they passed him to make sure he kept the same number the whole time. At this point in the outside physical training, Iruka tended to lose kids to hiding places in the forest. Fortunately for him, he knew every hiding place possible and only had to go in a prod a bit to get the kids to keep running.

He had been a student once after all, of course he knew all the hiding places.

After mentally agreeing with himself finally, he was positive that three of the boys had found a spot to escape their sensei. Iruka tramped in through the woods, sensing out the little balls of chakra that weren't moving. Of course they'd chosen the spot furthest from where _he_ was standing.

Ronna was puffing slightly by now, having taken a detour the long way so as to find the peace and quiet of being able to jog without moaning whining senpais behind her. Unfortunately, this path was rough terrain, meant for harder training but a good place to be in solitude since almost everyone took this course at a different pace.

She stopped for a moment, scanning the steep hill ahead of her, barring down threateningly. She ran a hand through her short dark hair and heaved a forfeiting sigh, starting up the mountain at a careful pace. The first few steps had been relatively painless, but the hill only seemed to grown taller whenever she looked up to check her distancing. Planting her foot on what look to be a sturdy rock, she pushed... only to slide back down faster than she had been able to get up. She gasped, turning over to slide on her back. With a quick reflex, she planted her feet onto an indent in the side, standing up all to quickly and stumbling the rest of the way down the hill.

At the bottom she collapsed, gasping for air and sitting in a pile of avalanched dirt, some of which was still sliding down the hill around her. "Phoo... " she muttered, panting and staring at the pebbles and dust which now crowded around waist.

She shifted, a load of dirt repositioning to reveal what looked to be an oddly colored rock. She halted her shifting and reached down to pull the out-of-place rock from it's mass of dirt, only to have fingers pull through the silt a soft cover bright orange book. She stared at the sorry looking book for a moment, snorting. _What a place to find a book. Guess it wasn't very good._ She beat the dust-ridden book against her just as dusty leg, causing a large cloud to surround her breathing area.

Coughing with dirt filled lungs, she climbed up to sit on a rock that lay off to the side, beckoning her rest. It was an obvious resting point, for many a scratch lay on the surface and shoe prints at the base indicated its use.

"Icha Icha Paridisu volume 11..." She read the cover out loud, wincing a bit at the name. "Hm. Interesting."

She flipped the front cover open, reading the title page curiously, then started the story with semi-interested but mostly-looking-for-an-excuse-to-rest air about her. After a few moments her eyes grew wide in surprise.

"Oh my."

* * *

It's kind of funny... No, I take that back. We had a mud slide against the side of our house and my 1965 mustang was the target. Thankfully I can't lose a car in a mudslide, but apparently I can jinx myself by writing about them. Weird huh? As soon as a wrote about a mud slide, BAM! Mudslide!

_And then Andraia was blessed with two thousand dollars to appear in her hand! And her car was restored! And she was accepted into the college she wanted!_

Wait for it... wait for it...

...


	3. Extra Incrimination

It is my job to be torturous. Mwuahahaha!

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Chapter 3: Extra Incrimination

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Iruka reached down, picking up the clipboard to read through the names of students, checking every now and then when a student passed him as a general tally on who was there and who wasn't. After having located the few trouble makers who insisted on running from him when he found them hiding, he was content in knowing they'd never try and hide again. Though his knees were scuffed and his back was probably covered in dirt, he'd gotten all three of them in one jump as they'd tried to make it over the fence. He smiled proudly at this, waving with a smirk as the three passed him at a jog, far dirtier than he.

_BAPTH!_

Iruka looked beside him, eyebrow arching. "If I hadn't been out here just supervising, what would you have done? Appeared in the middle of my classroom?" He accused his forlorn shinobi with a playful smirk.

"I can't find it." the sulking man grunted, arms crossing. "There was more in that book than just the dirty book itself, Iruka. Something more incriminating for _you_ than for _me."_

Iruka's head snapped over so quickly that his neck spasmed painfully. "Aye!" he grabbed the protesting muscle, eyes shooting daggers to his boyfriend. "_What_ is in that book, Kakashi." he hissed, the remains of calm composure still grasping his breath thankfully.

The Copy-nin looked away, shivering in partial fear and apprehension. "Something. Something you don't want anyone to find."

o0O0o

Ronna looked around behind her, paranoia coating her body suddenly. Not being able to pull her eyes away, she looked back down to the page to continue. _Kami!_ She'd never seen or heard of anything like this. It was porn in words! Like fanfictions on the internet except bound, printed, and sold all over the world!

"Ronna-chan!"

She slammed the book shut, sitting up straight and shoving it into a pant leg pocket quickly. "Ah-! Chiro-kun!" she looked around hesitantly, as if expecting teachers to suddenly appear and begin lecturing her about porn.

"Are you alright?" he asked, leaning over and panting gently from his long run.

The suspicious look she passed over her shoulders went unnoticed to the panting senpai. "Hai, why?"

"You're bleeding. Your forehead." he pointed to the cut. "Fall down the hill?" he grinned proudly. "I did last time, too!"

She blushed, reaching up to her forehead and touching the oozing liquid. "Oh... I didn't realize I'd gotten hurt. I sat down to rest... so I could try again." she rubbed at the cut with an irritated look to the ground.

"Don't do that!" Chiro pulled her arm down, grimacing. "Ew. It took a chunk of skin off. Let's go back this way and get Iruka-sensei." he suggested, motioning the way they'd come. "I'll run with you in case you collapse!" he grinned happily, as if hoping he would get a chance to carry her back to the teacher to endure due praise.

"Ah... um... thanks." she muttered, reaching down to fasten the pocket now containing the dirty book.

o0O0o

Iruka didn't have time to prod Kakashi further, as his maternal-teacher sensing abilities suddenly kicked in. "Who's hurt?" he grunted, looking down the track a little ways where two of the students were walking up, one being lead by the arm with a disgruntled look on her face.

"Ah, Ronna-chan! Are you alright?" the caring teacher went forward, taking her face to tilt it into the sunlight for a better look. "You took a good spill didn't you? Are you alright other than this wound?" he asked, taking her hands and looking over the scratched and bruised palms.

She shrugged, ignoring the feeling of being scrutinized, coupled with the fear that he would see in her pocket somehow. "I'm alright." she murmured, eyes cast down hesitantly, avoiding his concerned gaze.

"Sit down and we'll bandage this right up." he assured, kneeling down where he stood and helping her to sit.

"Sensei!" Chiro was still beaming. "I brought her back from the hill! The far away one!" he explained proudly.

Iruka looked up and smiled awkwardly, "Okay. That was very nice of you, Chiro-kun. You can continue running now." He turned from the child, reaching into his vest and pulling out the first aid kit. He found that if the boy was more of ignored than praised, he tended to give up.

"But..." Chiro looked disappointed. "But I brought her back and made sure she was safe."

Kakashi leaned on one foot idly, arms crossing. "Well you should have been prepared enough to bandage her right then and there, and you wouldn't have needed to bring her back."

Chiro's eyes went wide for a moment before his better judgement forced his feet into a light jog. "I'm gonna... keep going." he mumbled, waving meekly to the group of three.

Iruka chuckled after he'd left. "He likes praise." he murmured to Ronna. "Trust Kakashi-sensei to reprimand him for doing something nice." he winked, then cleaned the wound cautiously, pulling out the larger chunks of rock and dirt carefully so as not to pain the young girl. "Are you sure there were no other injuries? I should have warned you all, there was a slide recently when a few of the Elite jounin," he glanced over his shoulder flatly, "Got a little rowdy up there and caused a dirt slide. Now it's all very loose. I should have said something." he huffed to himself, going back to the first aid kit to retrieve a prep pad and gauze tape.

"I think someone else has fallen there before, too." she mused.

"Oh? Could see the tracks, hm?" he smiled proudly. "You're getting better!"

She didn't want to ruin his compliment suddenly, so she nodded. "Yeah... there were some slide marks and shoe prints..." she mumbled, looking down to her pant leg, feeling the presence of the naughty book suddenly ampliphied.

"Ah, good girl! Here, clean your hand cuts and whatever else got scratched." he handed her an alcohol soaked disinfectant pad. "You may walk the rest of the way, and if you get light headed sit down for a while. Then you can come back out and sit with me." he promised, standing up and leaving her an extra cleansing pad.

She thanked him respectfully, taking the clothe and running it over her hands. She watched quietly as he walked back to Kakashi, looking generally frustrated with the white haired Shinobi. Ronna only shrugged it off. Wasn't her business anyway.

"Thank you, Iruka-sensei." she waved as she walked past, returning to the jogging path.

"Sure, Ronna-chan! Be careful! Remember, if you feel light headed sit down, alright?" he called after her, feeling the need to restate this as he did not need to go on a search for the girl if she passed out some where.

"Yes, sensei!" she confirmed, turning back to the trail and thinking to herself. She _had _to finish that book. She would have to wait though, till after school when she got home to the privacy of her room.

Iruka's fierce gaze whipped around as soon as the girl was gone, his mouth pulling open to command of his boyfriend just _what _he was going on about. Alas, poor Iruka was standing alone looking infuriated at nothing. He growled, promising silently that the jounin would be punished later depending on the level of severity this problem caused.

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It's a shorty, ne? But then again all chapters I write are short. I'm gonna sneak away before I get more threats demanding the book content. (slips away unnotices)

-Aia (still hiding)


	4. More, more, more!

I know theres a lot of OC gal in this ficlet, but it's all for the better. Because it represents we, the rabid yaoi fangirls, who flock at IrukaxKakashi smut, right? Right.

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Chapter 4: More, more, more!

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Ronna stared at the paged hungrily, a dazed smile on her face as she read through the first parts of the book. It was as if she had found a whole new world that knew her well and welcomed her in. If this book was printed and bound, that meant other people read these, therefore it was not a mortal sin for her to do so either!

"Ronna-chan! Come on! Where did you put my cookies!" a distinctly high pitched whining voice screeched through the door.

She winced at her brother's rude attack to the ears. "I don't know! Go away!" she yelled back through the door, just for measures chucking the metal figurine that sat on her night stand at him just as the door opened. The throwing skills Iruka had taught her had come in handy an innumerable amount of times. She smirked at his surprised screech, victorious in her aiming skills.

He yelled angrily, but figured he had a better chance of finding his cookies if he whined to their parents instead. Ronna rolled her eyes before focusing on the book again. Back to the world of inane wonderful impossible sex!

o0O0o

Kakashi could feel death looming over his head. It was as black cloud that had begun to pour down acid rain since that horrifying moment of realization: Icha Icha Paridise volume number eleven was lost. It was missing from his inside vest pocket where he always kept the latest volume. He knew it had last been there, because it only traveled two places. One was the vest pocket, and the second being the night stand for when he could not sleep. Although reading Icha Icha Paradise was not the best way to get to sleep, it was generally an easy way to get Iruka to notice that he could not sleep. A clever ploy for attention on a whole.

After searching on, around, in, and behind the bed stand, bed, and dresser, he was unsuccessful. Therefore, it had been lost from his vest pocket.

Running over that thought again brought him to his knees. Iruka would kill him. It would not just be a lover's quarrel, it would be instant death invoked by pure embarrassment. Iruka would never show his face in public again. He'd dump Kakashi and go to another village to teach, the white haired jounin was sure of it.

Not because of the content the book held, would Iruka kill him. No, no, no. Iruka would kill him because there was something _else _in the book. Something _worse_ than written pornography.

o0O0o

"Ronna-chan! Are you going to cook dinner now or never, we're hungy!"

Ronna looked up to the door and growled in the back of her throat, slamming the book shut and stuffing it beneath her mattress. After fighting with her conscious on whether the book would be safe there, she left the room and went to the kitchen. "Yes, yes, I know, I know. You'll die if you don't have food this instant." she muttered, dark eyes scanning the small family.

"What do you want?"

"Something fast, we want to go see the new movie that came out at the corner theater!" Her brother quipped, the newspaper dancing around in her face.

"Out?" A sideways glance at her bedroom door was the only sign of disapproval. "Fine... whatever." she muttered, going to the fridge and throwing the door open. _I can finish it tomorrow before I leave for school._

o0O0o

Iruka came home to an empty house, sighing in relief at being home, but heart dropping when he was only greeted with a note.

'_Retracing my footsteps, be home for dinner. Love you, - Kakashi'_

The chuunin teacher couldn't help a dry huff. "If one of my students found that book... you are in deep, deep trouble." he muttered before crinkling the note and tossing it in the burn pile. He went to the stove to find tea ready for him, then sat down to rest on the couch for a while. Chasing kids all day long may have been fun for them, but he was tired of playing hide and seek whenever they went outside. Tomorrow he would sternly warn them if they continued such behavior whenever they went outside, he would not let them out any more. That sounded fair enough. He mulled over the day a bit, mind suddenly snapping open.

"Duh, Kakashi!" he rolled his eyes and stood up. _I bet you lost it in Gai's challenge yesterday._ He smirked, pulling his shinobi vest back on and slipping feet back into weathered boots.

After all, multiple summer- salts down an unstable hill can disorient anyone, especially going that fast. No wonder he'd lost the stupid book.

o0O0o

Kakashi was already on his hands and knees, covered in dirt and looking generally pathetic. Kakashi looked sideways to another Kakashi, then to his right where yet a third and forth were hunched over digging through dirt sand and rocks. Every once in a while, one of the dopplegangers(1) would grunt as he was engulfed in a small land slide, covering over an area they had already searched. The rest would groan in sorrow, then continue working mournfully.

"Hmm... May I ask what you're looking for?" Genma squatted down beside the real Kakashi, busily shoveling dirt down the side of the hill.

He shot a weary glance over to the senbon chewing ninja, then stopped his work for the moment. His forlorn eye stared forward, then dropped to his dirty and cut hands. "Icha Icha Paradise." he grunted. "I lost it in a challenge Gai made yesterday." he blinked slowly, then added with a touch of venom, "The bastard."

Genma snorted, standing up and putting his hands on his hips, still puffing from his run. "Wow, Kakashi-san. I'm surprised at you. I don't think I've ever seen you work this hard for something." he gave the jounin a light tap on the shoulder. "Good luck."

Kakashi glared at him with what anger he could muster in such a state of mourning, then leaned forward to continue digging. Genma only chuckled and dashed up the hill. When he reached the top, he gave a peculiar look to the ground, reaching down and dusting about the rocks, "Hey, Kakashi-san, I found it!"

Kakashi's heart escalated in joy, the extra Kakashis popping into oblivion as his concentration enshrouded Genma. "Really?"

"Nope, just jerkin' ya around." he grinned broadly at the withering jounin. "Sorry, couldn't help myself. See ya!"

The rain cloud of death floated back over Kakashi's head, his shoulders slouching even further than normal. He fell to his knees in the dirt again, partially up the incline, and began digging even slower. Hope was dwindling fast, along with any intact skin he had left on his bruised hands.

o0O0o

Iruka sighed a bit, finding that his idea had not been original. Kakashi had apparently concluded to the same assumption, seeing as he was sitting despondently on a large mound of upturned dirt while dogs of all sizes dug like mad all over the hill.

The teacher walked up casually, surveying the holey mountain with nonchalant regard. "No luck?"

Kakashi leaned sideways, staring at one of the smaller dogs who had haphazardly stumbled into a hole much larger than itself. "What's it look like?"

Iruka ignored the sarcasm and watched the same dog jumping and yipping angrily at a large bull dog who had previously made the hole, yet refrained from filling it in. The small dog suddenly became Kakashi as an Anbu and stepped out of the hole before walking away and poofing back into the small dog it had just been.

"I guess it's lucky that you had Shinobi dogs to help, ne?" Iruka offered, sitting down in the dirt beside Kakashi.

Kakashi only gazed blandly ahead at his workers. "Mn. Less complaining than dopplegangers." He didn't want to look at Iruka, he didn't even want to look at Iruka's smiling comforting face. If he knew what was in the back of that book, he would not be smiling like that.

Iruka finally grimaced. "You know, my kids ran this today. Some of them always take this route."

Kakashi didn't say anything, his stomach was beginning to twist now. His thoughts had been astutely avoiding that path. "Mm-hm."

"It's possible... that one of them picked it up. If so, I doubt you'll ever get it back. They'd be too embarrassed to admit having a dirty book." he mused outloud, leaning back palms out to stare at the sky while considering. "You're dead if I ever find out they got ahold of that thing. I told you, you should stop reading those around students before you lose it and they find it." he growled. "I can't believe Naruto never stole one from you." he winced as a small dirt slide tackled his feet. Kakashi moved, the slide having been more centered on him, to sit on top of the new dirt.

"No one could steal one from me. Stupid Gai, making me lose my book." he grunted, standing up to go kick around in a few unturned spots.

"Not his fault you don't have that thing in a buttoning pocket." Iruka grunted, watching idly. "Are you going to tell me what is in that book besides porn?" his eyes grew colder and more demanding.

Kakashi shivered, that look didn't even scratch the nose bleed he would get if he were to admit. "Mm... I think I'm going to go look on the other side for a while." he decided, hopping agilely up to the top of the hill and disappearing down the other side.

Iruka growled, knowing for sure that the ex-anbu was hiding something bad. "You're in for it." he muttered, getting up and brushing himself off.

Kakashi was gone when he reached the other side of the hill though.

* * *

(Aia dodges kunai and shuriken thrown by unsatisfied readers) Eeeeiiiiiiiii! 


	5. Fifty Foot Turnabout

Chapter 5: The Fifty Foot Turnabout

"KAKASHI!" Iruka bellowed as final warning. "I don't care how late you were up last night, but if you don't straighten up this house you're in for it!" he stared vehemently at the upturned home he'd woken to that morning. Kakashi, with a wave of hope had completely covered the house from top to bottom in scrutiny, doing so in complete secrecy and silence. Iruka's pleasure of stepping on every possible object that once sat on a shelf was overwhelming. He'd even rewarded Kakashi with a blow to the head once he'd gotten a good look at the entirety of damage committed.

Kakashi mumbled something from the back room, but Iruka was already closing the door and starting his walk to school.

The white haired jounin still left in the house moaned to himself before rolling over. He knew what he had to do that day, and he did not look forward to the task.

o0O0o

Ronna-chan had promised herself repeatedly before turning in for bed the night before. She would get up early and read further into this parody of life book called Icha Icha Paradisu. When proper time to be getting to school came around though, Ronna didn't even have time to eat breakfast. She was late for school, missing her book, and in a general chaos.

"You've got dark circles under your eyes." her brother noted, nose turning up, "You shouldn't be up so late at night, you're grades suck already." he parted ways on those final words, heading in the direction of his own ordained school.

A flat glare rewarded his back, but she did not bait to the taunting. Instead she double and triple checked that her pant leg pocket still held the precious treasure she had been so prosperous to stumble upon. It thumped against her leg lightly as she walked, reassuring the book's presence.

o0O0o

It was not hard for an Elite member of Konoha's Shinobi and ex-ANBU to find a twelve year old girl with little skill or training. In fact, it was one of the easiest missions he'd ever put himself to. Kakashi only had to look in Iruka's class list, find the girl's last name, then look in the phonebook.

Kakashi was not stupid. In point of fact, he was a genius, the title so aptly given to him for a reason. He knew that if any of the students had the book, it was more than likely to be the squatty girl who'd taken the tumble down the hill. If she had jogged up the part he had been summersaulting down previously, the simplicity of seeing an orange book amongst brown dirt was overwhelming.

Now all he had to do was wait for that fat kid who was walking with her to leave.

o0O0o

Ronna's heart was pulling in two different directions as she walked. Her eyes passed over the large clock tower towards the center of Konoha. She was already late for class. It was useless in running. She still had a ten minute walk ahead of her. Exasperated, she stopped and huffed at the clock, considering her choices. She could go to school and be twenty minutes late for Iruka-sensei's class, or she could turn around and go back home where the secluded house and dime store porn book would soothe the nagging in her head. It would be nice to calm her desires of finishing the book today, for she couldn't think of much else when there was something distressing her mind.

Icha Icha vs. Iruka-sensei… she was sure she was only one in the world who would ever have to make such a strange decision.

o0O0o

Kakashi's heart skipped a beat as he watched the kid suddenly turn around. She had been no more than fifty feet from the ambush point! The child was too inexperienced to know that Kakashi had been following her, therefore something else was plaguing her. She had no reason to suddenly turn around and start walking in the other direction, school was the other way! He puffed angrily through his nose, single eye following her warily.

He shifted his pace, stepping back again to camouflage himself as she passed. None the wiser, she continued her pace back to whence she came. Her destination was her home, Kakashi's heart constricting as she opened the door and snuck back in. He followed her chakra mentally, watching the untamed ball of blue energy sneak stealthily through the house and past her father who was still sleeping in the living room chair.

The deep eyed girl settled in her room, Kakashi circling the outside to locate her little dark and messy corner of the house. He couldn't see her, but he could sense her. He located her ball of chakra, leaning against the wall in a small space between her bed and the wall at her elbow. A lamp above her head proved to be the only source of lighting she used at the moment, the rest of the room being dark and forlornly forgotten.

She was well hidden from the window's view, meaning Kakashi could look in and plan his route of entrance. There was no need to scare the living daylights out of her, especially if she'd come back to face some emotional trauma as most twelve year old girls do. She could be sitting there crying for all he knew, and popping in out of nowhere to accuse her of hiding his favorite porn book would probably only escalate troubles for himself.

He settled on a simple plan. Opening the window and sliding in with the quietest of ease, he stood gingerly in two spaces that proved to be the only floor available to stand on. Kids these days sure were messy.

* * *

It was really annoying, I corrected all my stupid little spelling errors and mismatched sentences, but every time I click the save button they revert to spelling errors again. There was a 'her' that kept turning back to 'here' repeatedly, and a few others. I gave up. I'm sorry. 

Is everyone still following? o.o'

-Aia


	6. 8x5 Death

I'm sorry! I'm sorry that it took so long! I've been busy.

Thanks KC for previewing it for me. I didn't change a whole lot, mainly because I didn't have time. You'd think with a week off from school I could find some time. O.o Although I did add a paragraph somewhere. I can't remember where.

Chapter 6: 8x5 Death

Kakashi watched the blue ball of chakra that hid behind the bed for a moment, desperately arguing mentally that this was not an unreasonably insane escapade. Though, admitting the fact to himself, it was not normal for a twenty sixth year old Shinobi to be breaking into a twelve year old girl's room without some rumors going around, he knew this was necessary. His relationship was at stake after all.

His heart stopped, train of thought derailing as he could see a corner of bright orange sitting, closed, on the edge of the bed. She had been reading the book! But now she had put it down and she was-

"BWUAHAHAHAHA!" The girl burst into untamed laughter, nearly causing a rain of attacks to fall on her it was so unexpected. Kakashi had disappeared instantly at the noise, but reappeared seconds later to bare down before her. Horror crashed upon his heart as he only needed to glance at what she held in her hands.

Before he could snatch away the crinkly object she had straightened, she was kicking at his knee in shock and fear, a small yell of surprise escaping her lips. He had forgotten his entire plan when he'd seen the contents that, once taped to the back of the book, were now scrunched in her hands.

She couldn't scream she was so shocked, she could only slide beneath her bed and out the other side.

"Wait, kid! Come back!" His pleas went unheard.

She leapt out the window with all the grace and ease of a scared bird, hitting her head on the way out and whimpering when she tripped and fell directly on her face.

Kakashi teleported with a pop to stand outside the window, grabbing her arm and ripping from her hand the special Icha Icha Volume Eleven contents; none other than his precious written but never delivered, full out, mushy, squishy, fluffy _love letters_ to his darling Iruka-sensei.

She stared at him for a moment. "Kakashi?" her face blanched as she registered. "You're… you're Kakashi-_koi_?" her face suddenly began to redden as she tried to restrain laughter. "You wrote those love letters to Iruka-sensei?" she began giggling, her hand shooting up to clasp over her mouth.

Kakashi's pale skin above his mask had turned slightly pink, the rest of his beat red face and scowl hidden behind his mask and hitai-ate. He raised a threatening finger, waving it at her face, "If you mention this to _anyone_ I will know. And I will come back to find you." He growled, suddenly popping out of sight before her very eyes.

She stood, shocked for a few moments with fear lacing her heart at the threat. They were only love letters. Though they had to be, she admitted, the most hilariously cliché and mushy love letters she'd ever read. The pet names for both Iruka-sensei and the Kakashi-koi himself had been the funniest part. When she sat in Iruka's class from now on, she was sure her inner laughter would never stop. She couldn't imagine anyone calling Iruka-sensei _Ruru-kun,_ a thought which she'd sooner forget.

She took hesitant steps back to her bedroom window, climbing through and walking across the mess of magazines, books, clothes, and random toys, to go sit on her bed. Bright orange caught her eye; Icha Icha Paradisu Volume Eleven still sat, abandoned and neglected, on the corner of the bed where she'd left it. She froze in fear, looking around to see if that crazy white haired shinobi had come back yet.

She picked up the book hesitantly, mind already reeling as she scrambled to figure out how to return it too him without dieing in the process. Just as she was about to stand, a sharp pain in her left leg made her stop and look down. The corner of a photo had just pricked her gently, the photo now lay face up in her lap.

"Oh my… Kami-sama…! I didn't know…. Iruka-sensei was gay _and_ kinky…!" she stared at the picture, stomach knotted. She could never look at Iruka-sensei the same again.

He played himself up as so innocently _good_. He was a model in Konoha village, even Ronna could recognize that. His sweet demeanor and kind almond chocolaty eyes were always welcoming to children and adults alike. His smile was also so blameless. But now… that mouth was _so_ tainted. As was the rest of his body.

POP!

"ARH!" Kakashi snatched the picture and the book away, heart still thumping wildly. He disappeared without so much as a last unintelligible syllable to remember him by.

She sat in complete shock once more, finger tips touching where the picture had once been clasped gently. "Ah…!" she looked down at the floor, three more pictures were littered there where they'd fallen with the other. "Come back!" she hissed, wildly looking around at the air. "Hey! Hey you! With the book and the crappy love letters!"

POP!

"Where are the rest!" He stared at her with such severe eyes it took all her might not to flail at the pictures and yell that she hadn't looked at them.

He gathered the rest, then stared at her a second. "How old are you?" he grunted.

"Twelve." She murmured quietly.

"Good. You'll grow out of any side effects." He lifted his hitai-ate, the sharingan spinning madly. Ronna couldn't help but stare at the red eye with black tears spinning around the active pupil. As she was about to inquire, she promptly forgot her question. Then, there was nothing.

o0O0o

Kakashi dropped his hitai-ate, satisfied. His hands let go of one another when the jutsu had finished and the girl and slumped sideways on the bed, asleep. She wouldn't remember the last twenty minutes. That's all he needed to preserve Iruka's dignity. And his of course.

He climbed out the window, silently commending himself on a problem well solved. He had panicked a bit in the middle, but pulled himself together in time at the end. Generally pleased, he quickly got over the stress he had been experiencing for the past few days and gently taped the book's special contents into the back once more. He opened the dirty and worn out book to somewhere in the middle and continued his destinationless journey down the sidewalk."Kakashi! You found it!" Raidoh grinned roughly to the fellow jounin when he was close enough in hearing range.

"Yup."

"Genma said you were going berserk looking for it." Raidoh eyed the book suspiciously.

"Eh. Not really." He shrugged nonchalantly, eyes never leaving the page.

"Glad to see you're back to normal."

"Mmm… how can you tell?"

"You're two hours late meeting Tsunade!"

* * *

Yaaay! Kakashi his his book back! And there's ONE MORE CHAPTER. Actually it's an epilogue. XD 

-Aia


	7. Epilogue: Orange Lies

I'm here! I have it! It's done! I thrust upon you the ending!

* * *

Epilogue: Orange Lies

* * *

Iruka smiled into the warm wind that tousled his hair teasingly. "This is nice, Kakashi." He murmured, eyes opening to scan the entire village from atop the Hokage's sun warmed head. "Thanks for taking me out to lunch, I appreciate getting away from all the little buggers." He chuckled, reaching down with his chopsticks to take another bundle of chicken and rice. "What's the occasion? Come to tell me that my reputation is ruined because someone found those dirty pictures of me in the back of Icha Icha?" he eyed his boyfriend with a light glare.

Kakashi choked only once, swallowing and raising his eyebrows. "Hm. I underestimate you. Did you see what else was in the book?" he asked lazily, as if he didn't care.

Iruka pursed his lips, "There was more? Don't tell me it was even worse than the pictures."

Kakashi smiled and shook his head. "No. But I found it this morning. The book. It was on the running hill." He didn't need to bat an eyelash to get the lie across. "It was buried deep. So you don't have to worry about any of your students being scarred for life that their favorite teacher is as perverted as his boyfriend." He smirked, pulling out the book and waving it for him to see. "Took quite a tumble though, so the pictures are all scratched." He pouted sincerely this time, troubled enough to let Iruka's quick chopsticks violet his lunch's perimeter.

Iruka rolled his eyes while blatantly sucking on Kakashi's pork and rice. "I am not that perverted thank you. I don't think anyone could be that perverted. Besides your _sensei_ of course. You're one lucky bastard, Kakashi. If my kids had found that, I would never be able to show my face in town again."

Kakashi smiled, "Tell me about it. You'd have left me in the dirt pile with the book." He reached across his own plate to Iruka's. "You want this?" he poked at a sorry looking shrimp drenched in the wrong sauce.

"Go 'head." Iruka waved it away, Kakashi popping it into his mouth before looking out over the village with a only a hint of emotion showing through his eyes.

Iruka regarded the handsome man, smiling to himself. If the pervert actually believed him about not seeing those love letters, than the Chuunin was getting better at lying. He could credit that to being around Kakashi of course. He'd learned from the best. It appeared that Kakashi believed him, and he would leave it at that. Iruka would go to any means to make sure that the composed man kept his cool, and that he never had to see embarrassment in those mismatched eyes. Small lies to reassure comfort was always a nice pact to agree on between lovers. He knew it was quite possible that Kakashi was lying to keep Iruka from feeling worried, but that didn't mean the lie couldn't be trusted. He knew his dignity was safe one way or another, just as Kakashi's was.

"Love you, pervert." He murmured, pushing his empty box away and laying back to rest in Kakashi's lap.

"Love you, perverted teacher."

"I am not."

"Whatever you say, Love."

"Up yours, you bastard."

"Right here? You are perverted."

"….?...!…...You're horrible."

o0O0o This story so should be done right now but it's not. o0O0o

Swift accuracy aided the experience-driven jounin in his self appointed mission. He was not feared because he looked intimidating, he was feared because he was good at what he did.

Thud.

Thud.

Thudthudthudthudthud.

"Okay… volumes one through… one through nine... except for four because I only had one copy of four…" he mumbled, scratching the back of his head and looking around the empty but cluttered room. It was semi-clean, as if the young girl had made somewhat of an effort to push the piles of junk into corners. He vaguely wondered if she would even notice the piles of bright orange books amongst the ghastly mess. After short consideration, he moved them to the bed and slipped them beneath the covers, a place that she inevitably had to visit.

Kakashi thought about his moral dilemma for one last hesitant moment; giving porn to children was not exactly gazed upon a noble gift in society in his present day and age. Though reason had him quenching that hesitation, seeing as how he'd been involved in his porn addiction before even her age. He dismissed the entirety of the situation, and instead became bored with thinking and wondered out of the room with such ease and grace of the perverse ninja that he was.

He liked to think that he was who he was, because he was a pervert, but then again, being who he was wasn't exactly smiled upon either. This brought a content smugness to his face.

It quickly left though when the pages of Icha Icha Volume twelve sucked him in dreadfully fast. He wondered down the airy spring time street, congratulating himself on a mission well accomplished and a morning spent wisely.

* * *

The end! Wee! Did everyone like the epilouge? Did you not like the added epilogue? I put that on there as I was editing, should I take it off? I really shouldn't be advocating porn giving to pre-teens. 

Thanks everyone for sticking with me through the whole thing! It has been a fun ride. Now... what to write on next?

-Aia


End file.
